#UNIX Frequently Asked Questions

By FatCat; thanks to stderr, Teggy and turtle. Mods made by Djinh, token and various other people.
Maintained on rtfm.ru #unix by token.

Reading this FAQ is required before you start talking on the channel, especially before asking questions. Asking questions that have been stated in here as a clear ``No-No'' may be answered with an instant forcible removal off the channel.


Q: What's #unix?
Q: What's UNIX?
Q: Hello, is there anyone there?
Q: Can anyone help me?
Q: What's up?
Q: Why aren't you talking?
Q: Why aren't you talking?
Q: Hey, I'm out for horny girls, and I just saw <nick> is also on the #unix channel, so I joined. Where can I find horny girls?
Q: Salve! j'ai des problems. Aidez-moi s'il vous plait.
Q: Why is root@ banned?
Q: Op me!
Q: How do I use <unix-command>?
Q: man doesn't work!
Q: <foo> doesn't work!
Q: My {sysadmin|user support|ISP} is of no help!
Q: I do not understand the man page.
Q: I still do not understand.
Q: Who can help me with <product>?
Q: Is it better to <foo> or not?
Q: If the moon was made of lettuce, would ...
Q: <nick>, where are you from?
Q: Can someone dcc me {Unix|Linux|man pages|ircII|...}
Q: Can someone {mail|dcc} me <foo>
Q: How can I get {Unix|Linux|man pages|ircII|...}
Q: What is archie?
Q: What is ftpsearch?
Q: Can someone crack <foo> for me?
Q: I've got Win95, and ...
Q: Where can I get IRC scripts?
Q: What's the best {OS|system|editor|...}?
Q: How do I <ethically-or-otherwise-questionable-action>?
Q: How do I {crack systems|fake mail|...}?
Q: I need a shell account!
Q: How do I run a {ftp server|WWW server|MUD|...}?
Q: I wanna hire hackers to {crack site.com|get child porn|...}!
Q: I have discovered a huge security hole in rm!
Q: I have a Linux problem...
Q: I asked on #linux. No one helped me. Now I asked here...
Q: I asked on the channel, no response, so I /MSGed...
Q: <non-trivial-question-requiring-consulting-and-handholding>
Q: What system should I use for <task>?
Q: What is better, FreeBSD or Linux?
Q: <obviously-homework-related-question>
Q: Why don't you help me?
Q: But the channel is named #unix!
Q: But someone told me he really learned a lot on #unix!
Q: But <magazine> wrote I should join #unix for unix help!
Q: So help is banned on #unix? Where is the problem with help?
Q: Has anybody ever been helped on #unix?
Q: Should I take everything from #unix serious?
Q: Hey, FooBar sucks, it's lame, I never used it...
Q: Why are you guys that rude?
Q: But why are you ignoring me??? ('Come on, come talk to me')
Q: Hey I will take revenge for kicking!!!
Q: Grrr! Let's see how you like my warscript!!!
Q: Why did you kick me yesterday?? And when I rejoined the channel, you did it again!! And you banned me!!!! I wanna know why????? Hey you guys are assholes!!!!! It's my right!! to talk on IRC!!!!
Q: You aren't very nice!
Q: Why don't you take me serious?!?!?!?!?!
Q: You are a bunch of arrogant assholes sitting on your very knowledge!
Q: WHY DID YOU KICK ME?!?
Q: *beep*
Q: Someone knows how to get rid of tequila overdose headaches?
Q: Apropos beer, if UNIX was a beer...

Q: What's #unix?
#unix is a channel on the IRCNet IRC network (IRC is the Internet Relay Chat, a global infrastructure of interconnected servers, providing a means of real-time textual conference for thousands of users) dedicated to discussion of UNIX systems. #unix is not a newbie or questions channel. The following Q&A pairs mostly explain what you shouldn't do when you joined #unix, regard them as the #unix etiquette.
Q: What's UNIX?
A: UNIX* is a timesharing computer operating system, invented in 1969 at AT&T Bell Labs, on a spare PDP-7 computer. Since then it has undergone huge development and split into several branches. UNIX is highly portable and UNIX systems run on your cheaperware off-the-shelf PC as well as on the largest of supercomputers. Most servers on the Internet run a version of UNIX. For more information and introduction about UNIX systems, have a look at our collection of UNIX resources on the Net.
Q: Hello, is there anyone there?
A: Yes, you can find out with "/who #unix". Though some of them are probably doing other work, not listening or are chatting on other channels.
Q: Can anyone help me?
A: Probably. Not until you state your problem though. However, since we're not a helpchannel, best look for help elsewhere, lest you get the boot.
Q: What's up?
A: up (up), adv., prep., adj., n., v., upped, upping. --- adv. 1. to, toward, or in a more elevated position: to climb up to the top of a ladder. 2. to or in an erect position: to stand up. 3. out of bed: to get up. 4. ... [The full Webster entry for 'up' lists 81 meanings.]
Q: Why aren't you talking?
A: We are nerds, thus talk only if we have something to say, or if the topic is interesting. And we do not like a low SNR (signal-to-noise-ratio). That is, no talk at all is better than babbling.
Q: Why aren't you talking?
A: Flooding the channel with repetition or being a nuisance is a proven way to be kicked.
Q: Hey, I'm out for horny girls, and I just saw <nick> is also on the #unix channel, so I joined. Where can I find horny girls?
A: /whois <nick> followed by joining (all of) <nick>'s channels is considered bad behaviour. Those words after the # have a purpose, you know.
(And if a person does not talk with you on one channel, chances are he will not do so on other channels, either.)
Q: Salve! j'ai des problems. Aidez-moi s'il vous plait.
hallo? ich hab ein problem..
Zdorovo! U menia problema...
[or similar babbling]
A: Please stick to English. (Or Latin ;) [no, not latin! -token])
Q: Why is root@ banned?
A: Talk to your local security guru about that. If you are the local security guru, you have a problem.
IRCing as root is clueless.
Q: Op me!
A: People who ask for op deserve none. This is certified IRC wisdom, though it has its (rare) exceptions.
Joining #unix and immediately asking for op is a way to be kickbanned. Fast.
Q: How do I use <unix-command>?
A: man <unix-command>
Q: man does not work!
A: Complain to your {sysadmin|user support|ISP}. They sell you net access and should help you with that.
Q: <foo> does not work!
A: See "man does not work!".
Q: My {sysadmin|user support|ISP} is of no help!
A: So what?
Q: I do not understand the man page.
A: Reread it.
Q: I still do not understand.
A: Hire someone who does.
Q: Who can help me with <product>?
A: Try the <product> support line. (You did buy it, didn't you.)
Q: Is it better to <foo> or not?
A: Yes.
Q: If the moon was made of lettuce, would ...
A: Yes.
Q: <nick>, where are you from?
A: Ever heard of the /whois command?
Q: Can someone dcc me {Unix|Linux|man pages|ircII|...}?
A: Yes. But probably, nobody will.
Q: Can someone {mail|dcc} me <foo>?
A: See the previous question.
There are several problems with your request: binaries are system dependant, someone may send you a nice trojan horse, and you are wasting other people's time because you are too lazy to search yourself.
Q: How can I get {Unix|Linux|man pages|ircII|...}?
A: By anonymous ftp, probably. If you cannot find it on your own, use archie. Or hire someone to get it for you.
Q: What is archie?
A: man archie, http://www.funet.fi/funet/archie/archieplexform.html
Q: What is ftpsearch?
A: http://ftpsearch.ntnu.no/ftpsearch/
Q: Can someone crack <foo> for me?
A: Probably. But more probably, nobody will do it.
Q: I've got Win95, and ...
A: Go away.
Q: Where can I get IRC scripts?
A: Scripts suck.
Q: What's the best {OS|system|editor|...}?
A: There is no best {OS|system|editor|...}.
Q: How do I <ethically-or-otherwise-questionable-action>?
A: You do not. And if you really had to do it, you would know.
Q: How do I {crack systems|fake mail|...}?
A: See "How do I <ethically-or-otherwise-questionable-action>?"
Q: I need a shell account!
A: Ask your ISP. Besides, most people who ask for a shell account on IRC want to do something stupid with it, like running IRC bots. See "How do I <ethically-or-otherwise-questionable-action>?"
Q: How do I run a {ftp server|WWW server|MUD|...}?
A: You do not.
Servers consume computing and bandwidth resources, and may introduce security holes. Running them without the admin's consent is a serious stupidity. See "How do I <ethically-or-otherwise-questionable-action>?" If the admin agrees, he will know how to do it. If you are the admin, you should know.
Q: I wanna hire hackers to {crack site.com|get child porn|...}!
A: Go away, {criminal|wannabe|journalist|cop|lawyer|idiot|troll|...}. By the way, it is "crackers", not "hackers". Hackers are respectable persons who usually have nothing to do with cracking into other people's systems.
Q: I have discovered a huge security hole in rm!
A: No, you have not.
Q: I have a Linux problem...
A: Ask on #linux.
Q: I asked on #linux. No one helped me. Now I asked here...
A: ... and got kicked. See questions below.
Q: I asked on the channel, no response, so I /MSGed...
A: Do not. See also "But why are you ignoring me???".
Q: <non-trivial-question-requiring-consulting-and-handholding>
A: Hire a consultant.
Q: What system should I use for <task>?
A: Hire a consultant.
Q: What is better, FreeBSD or Linux?
A: Hire a consultant. (Though most of the #unixers tend to prefer BSD.)
Q: <obviously-homework-related-question>
A: Please do your homework yourself.
Q: Why don't you help me?
A: #unix is not a support line. Is not, is not, is not, will never be. We are not paid to solve your problems.
Q: But the channel is named #unix!
A: Yes. It is a virtual place for unix geeks (and non-geeks, too) to chat.
'Imagine' entering a medical conference, shouting "Hi Guyz", exposing your as^Hbdomen and crying "um ar... it hurts!! HELP ME!!" 'Double-plus-ungood', huh?
Q: But someone told me he really learned a lot on #unix!
A: He probably did, with a different attitude.
Q: But <magazine> wrote I should join #unix for unix help!
A: Burn it.
Q: So help is banned on #unix? Where is the problem with help?
A: It is not. No problem. People, however, have no duty to help you. Especially not when you ask about something you are obviously paid for. Some of us have to feed fat cats (or turtles), and you cannot expect them to be your free support line.
You can ask for help, but you cannot demand it. And it is enough to ask once.
Q: Has anybody ever been helped on #unix?
A: Yes, many times.
This FAQ contains many hints, too.
Q: Should I take everything from #unix serious?
A: No.
Q: Hey, FooBar sucks, it's lame, I never used it...
A: Who cares? Excessive bashing and so-called "holy wars" (e.g. editor wars) are to be avoided. Be careful with bashing and exaggerations for some cheap fun. Some people may really like FooBar and may fail to see the fun; you will violate their feelings (and maybe look like an idiot). But see also "Should I take everything from #unix serious?"
Q: Why are you guys that rude?
A: Maybe you would be rude too if you had to cope with too many people a day whining "HELP ME WITH <stupid-annoying-problem>!!!!!"
Also, please do not confuse high SNR with rudeness.
Q: But why are you ignoring me??? ('Come on, come talk to me')
A: (See also "Why aren't you talking?")
If nobody answers, they are either not listening or they do not want to answer. `People are people', you know they have the right to speak, or to choose to remain silent. IRC consists of people, not -- like television -- of 'programs' paid to 'entertain' you.
In either case, it is unwise to push further; if nobody reacts to your statements, stop talking.
Q: Hey I will take revenge for kicking!!!
A: Do not even try.
Q: Grrr! Let's see how you like my warscript!!!
A: You probably have a dialup account with funny bandwidth. Do not even try. (There seems to be a strange coincidence between low bandwidth and immature behaviour.) Please also notice our more-than-average share of IRC operators.
Q: Why did you kick me yesterday?? And when I rejoined the channel, you did it again!! And you banned me!!!! I wanna know why????? Hey you guys are assholes!!!!! It's my right!! to talk on IRC!!!!
A: (in order) Nuisance. Of course. Of course. Nuisance. Then do not /join. It is not a right, it is a privilege.
It is your right to talk, and that of others not to listen to you. Discussing kicks is fruitless. Kicks need no justification. Immediately rejoining a channel after a kick is a bad idea.
Q: You aren't very nice!
A: It is not nice to annoy others. Especially nerds.
Q: Why don't you take me serious?!?!?!?!?!
A: One punctuation mark is usually enough.
Q: You are a bunch of arrogant assholes sitting on your very knowledge!
A: No one said you had to join #unix.
By the way, good luck with your next visit at your doctor (who does not help you for free either).
Q: WHY DID YOU KICK ME?!?
A: Don't shout (if your caps-lock key is broken, fix it).
Also don't use bold, inverse, underline, beeps, colours or anything like that, because it has no effect except to annoy others and to get kicked. It will definitely not help getting your questions answered.
Q: *beep*
A: See previous question.
Q: Someone knows how to get rid of tequila overdose headaches?
A: Beer. Or hot tea in enormous quantities. Add alkaseltzer with tea.
Q: <johl> If Unix was a beer, what would it be?
A:
<cvt> johl amsterdam maximator
<cvt> solaris -- heineken
<cvt> aix -- guinness
<inof> linux == Clausthaler.
<johl> irix = Corona or any other of this brands that are not too bad but confuse you with glowing in the dark.

% cd

*UNIX is a trademark of X/Open.

$Id: faq.html,v 1.1 1997/08/23 04:02:33 mkb Exp $